


Lonely Eyes

by punchinginadream



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Lashton - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 20:55:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2482121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punchinginadream/pseuds/punchinginadream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If you need a little sunshine, you can borrow some of mine."<br/>/<br/>ashton is sad and he doesn't know why he's sad which makes it that much worse and he feels like he's drowning but luckily luke knows how to keep ashton above water</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lonely Eyes

Luke knew Ashton inside and out. He knew the boy's favorite color (which changed depending on what season it was), his favorite Power Ranger, his biggest fears (the ones that existed in the back of his mind and haunted his nightmares, not the ones he said in interviews like breaking his wrist) and everything in between.

And Ashton had this quality about him, this... _thing_ where he just felt everything so deeply. It was almost supernatural, to Luke at least; like a sixth sense. Touch, taste, smell, sight, sound...and emotion.

Sometimes, the constant punch of feelings beating down on him got too much for Ashton, way too much. When it happened, Ashton got _different_. His hazel eyes got dull, as if someone had stolen the stars from them. The lines on his face were more prominent, making him look as if he'd suffered a lifetime despite his young age. And those dimples deeper than the Atlantic Ocean...well, Luke couldn't even catch a glimpse of them on days like these. Days Ashton just _shut down_ and _shut out_.

It was a coping mechanism, Luke knew that.

But he couldn't help but feel as if it was his fault, somehow. Why couldn't he make Ashton feel better? Why couldn't he re-spark the light in his eyes? Why wasn't he enough?

But the thing was, when Ashton was drifting out to see Luke was his _anchor_ and he held on so _damn_ tight that Ashton couldn't get swept away. He was more than enough, to Ashton. Especially when he brought him back.

"Ashton," Luke calls from the kitchen. He was sat on the counter, skinny jean clad legs swinging back and forth as he held out his arms and made grabby hands at his boyfriend. Ashton stops in the middle of the doorway he was about to walk past. He glances at Luke waiting for him to say something more, and Luke can't help but notice how fucking _tired_ Ashton looks. His eyes are all droopy and there are bags under them and there's a teeny frown etched into his face Luke would've missed if he wasn't looking hard enough.

"Come here," Luke says, softer this time, arms still outstretched. Ashton hesitates for a moment and Luke mumbles "C'mere," again. Ashton pads slowly into the kitchen and leans against the stove so he's facing Luke, but there's so much room between them. Far too much room. "Closer," Luke huffs, reaching for the older boy. Ashton gives in, walking forward until Luke can grab hold of his sweater and pull him until he's slotted in between Luke's legs. Up close, Ashton looks less tired and irritated and more... _sad_ , really, than anything. Luke's hand doesn't leave the boy's side, only presses into it more firmly as a reminder that he's there and Ashton's not alone. Ashton falls into the touch with a tiny, almost inaudible whimper and Luke immediately snakes his arms around the boy's waist. Ashton drops his head until it's laying on Luke's shoulder. The younger boy's hands are rubbing up and down his back soothingly and it all makes Ashton want to _break down_ and cry. He's sick of being strong, he's sick of being put-together when all he's doing on the inside is breaking.

"Ashy," Luke coos against Ashton's collarbone, his breath fanning over the cold skin. Ashton hums in response and Luke tries to pull back, tries to look in Ashton's eyes and help him come back to reality, to him. But Ashton can't, won't pull back and he sounds so broken when he realizes what Luke's trying to do so Luke just sighs and pulls him back in, tighter this time.

"What's up, sweetheart? Talk to me," Luke says quietly, because he's afraid to speak too loud and startle Ashton away from him. Ashton sucks in a breath and - as Luke had predicted - tries to pull away this time, but Luke hooks his legs around Ash's waist so he's basically a koala against Ashton and Ashton can't break away from Luke so he's succeeded.

"Jus' sad," Ashton mumbles after a minute, his voice small and hoarse.

"You didn't tell me though," Luke tries to keep the hurt out of his voice. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Don't wanna bother you," Ashton says back, and his voice is trembling about as much as his hands and Luke carefully, oh so carefully moves a bit so he's standing up and pulling Ashton into their bedroom. He keeps a firm grip on Ashton's hand the whole time, looking back at the older but smaller,  _so_ much smaller boy with a worried expression.

He sits down on the bed cross legged and pulls Ashton down too until they're facing each other. Ashton's head is down, studying his hands in his lap.

"Ashton," Luke says, trying to find the perfect mix between stern and comforting that makes his baby listen to him. It works, thank _God_ , and Ashton perks his head up. There are small tears clouding his eyes again and Luke reaches up carefully to wipe them away before they can fall onto his perfect, sunken cheeks. Ashton closes his eyes in content at the contact. Luke grabs his hands and pulls them away from his lap, rubbing his thumbs over the backs of Ashton's larger hands eagerly and catching Ashton's attention again.

"I'm sorry," Ashton says after a moment.

"Don't say sorry," Luke replies immediately. "Just talk to me, baby. Wanna know what's up."

Ashton swallows thickly, closes his eyes for a moment before speaking. "I should be happy." He pauses, and Luke doesn't say anything, just lets the older boy catch his breath.

He knows this type of thing is hard for Ashton. He pushes things down, down, down until he's bubbling over with these pent up emotions and it takes a toll on Ashton every time he pushes something or someone away. He feels like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Luke's strong, though; Luke could and would take the weight off of Ashton in a heartbeat. He'd do anything for the slightly trembling boy in front of him.

"I should be happy, you know? I've got it all, I've got the whole world. But I'm not. And that makes me feel even worse, because I don't deserve this. Drumming is easy, I'm not even that good at it; someone else should be in my shoes, someone who deserves it. I'm so ungrateful for the things I have I can't even _appreciate_ them enough to not be sad. I'm the oldest I should be keeping everyone together and I'm trying but I can't even keep myself together and--" Ashton paused to catch his breath and Luke used the silence to press his lips against Ashton's urgently. He moves his lips against Ashton's until Ashton responds tentatively, molding his lips with Luke's and putting his hands, hidden by his sweater sleeves, around Luke's neck. After Luke's lungs are empty of oxygen and bursting with Ashton, he pulls away and rests his forehead against the curly-headed boy. They're both panting heavily into each other's mouths, breath mingling.

"I love you," Luke says quietly, still trying to calm down his heart. He tilts his head and kisses the corner of Ashton's mouth. "I love you I love you I love you" he mumbles again and again, filling the silence that Ashton's trying to catch his breath to say the three words over and over again. "All that stuff, those kind of thoughts, we can work on them, yeah? But you have to tell me," Luke pulls back and squeezes Ashton's hands in emphasis of his words. "You have to tell me. I promise you you're not bothering me, I'm your boyfriend I'm _supposed_ to take that kind of weight off of you."

"Yeah," Ashton mumbles, because he supposes it wouldn't help if he told Luke he did help Ashton, just when he was there and present, all tall and protective of the elder boy.

"Ashton," Luke says sternly, bringing two fingers under his chin and forcing cloudy hazel eyes to meet clear blue.

"I know," Ashton promises sincerely. "It's just...it's hard. Don't wanna talk about it, you help me so much already and with all the shit going on with the band it's just these fake problems that my stupid mind creates adding to that, it's not worth it Luke...it's...not." The words hang heavy in the air, Luke knows what Ashton meant, that _he's_ not worth it.

"Ashton."

"I mean it. Really. Don't, don't worry about it." Ashton's shaking again, he stopped momentarily but he's trembling again, Luke can feel it. He brings one hand up and caresses Ashton's cheek, shushing him softly and leaning up to kiss his cheek and running his hands through Ashton's hair and whatever he can to calm him down.

"H-Hate myself Luke," Ashton whimpers, and it's quiet enough Luke wonders if he heard Ashton right but Ashton slaps a hand over his mouth as if he wasn't aware the words were falling from his own lips.

"I don't." Luke replies softly, biting his lip and trying to see past the tears in Ashton's eyes to get through to him. "I love you." Ashton's still shaking, though he's nodding at Luke's words, letting him know the younger boy is getting through to him. Ashton hiccups once and tears are falling, and then Ashton's gasping and his hands are squeezing Luke's shirt, tugging at the fabric and Luke immediately wraps the curly-headed boy into his arms and pulls him down under the covers. He pulls Ashton into his chest, rocking him back and forth slightly and just running his hands through his hair and humming softly.

"Shh, it'll be okay Ashy, I promise you'll be alright, just breathe okay? Listen to my heartbeat baby, listen to it, it beats for you, alright? I love you so much, don't cry, it's okay, it's okay." Luke's rambling and he knows it, but he's trying to talk over Ashton's demons which are no doubt filling his head. Ashton squeezes his eyes shut and let's the last of his tears fall until he's run his tear ducts dry and finally it all subsides.

"F-fuck, sorry," Ashton huffs out a laugh and Luke shushes him.

"No," is all he says back. Ashton tightens his hold on Luke, arms snaking all the way around his lanky boyfriend. Ashton sighs contentedly against the fabric of Luke's shirt and Luke breathes a sigh of relief that Ashton's calmed down.

"Love you so much," Ashton mumbles sleepily, and Luke kisses his hair.

"Love you more, Ashy," he promises.


End file.
